Jun 16, 2011 12:00AM

Anna Dello Russo's 10 Rules of Sales Shopping

And how to court an AVO.

Anna Dello Russo has all of our best interests at heart when she says,"The fateful moment of CLOTHING SALE is coming! I'm going to tell you my 10 RULES for making excellent purchases." In the same vein as her infamous '10 Rules for the Met Gala' post, the Vogue Nippon editrix has released her '10 Rules of Sales Shopping' to keep us all savvy when scouring the bargain bins an activity I can't quite picture Russo engaging in. Written in her trademark broken English, with sporadic bursts of caps-lock enthusiasm, Russo's list boils down to making a "WISH-list MAP", only buying designer pieces, and getting involved in a little stalker stakeout action: "Stay posted to the window, follow the customers' movements, wait the first day of sales." Just make sure none of the 'customers' whose movements you are following are likely to file for an AVO. Russo even throws a Pirates of the Carribean 4 plug in the mix "whatever you do, don't let those sales drag you to the bottom of the sea" and stresses that we buy "only MASTERPIECES." Interestingly, one thing Russo didn't include in her list was to buy a spare apartment (closet) next door to house all of your collector's items. Oh well, we can't all be as excessive as Anna, but at least we'll have our WISH-list MAP to guide us through deadly waters. Before I get to that though, I better dispose of all the useless souvenirs currently ruining the aesthetic of my house.

Anna's 10 Rules of Sales Shopping:

"1. Only MASTERPIECES!

2. Not buy USELESS stuff. They are like the exotic SOUVENIRS, that when you return from the trip, encumber and ruin the aesthetics of the house.

3. Point your FAV PIECE like your BIG LOVE. Stay posted to the window, follow the customers' movements, wait the first day of sales.

4. Buy only COLLECTOR'S ITEMS out of the ordinary: otherwise you will get the nth black coat!

5. Don't go RANDOMLY, you'll spend more energy and money.

6. Take your WISH-list MAP.

7. Give yourself a BUDGET and follow your WISH-list priorities.

8. Don't get DUPED by sales: They are like the beautiful mermaids of PIRATES of the CARIBBEAN 4 that first seduce you and then drag you to the bottom of the sea.

9. Buy only DESIGNER'S clothes. Why? high-quality is guaranteed.

10. Not fly commercial! Take the chance to go in the FORBIDDEN stores and satisfies all your WHIMS!"

- Anna

www.annadellorusso.com