Aug 28, 2012 6:36PM

Daily Spam: Lindsay Lohan Is A Thief (Again)

Looks a lot like the world's oldest Facebook user.
Lindsay shot by Olivier Zahm.

Lindsay Lohan, she of the ombre face tan and straight-to-DVD movies, is now officially a suspect in the theft of $100,000 worth of watches and glasses. Last Sunday, she and her assistant Gavin Doyle partied all night long at the mansion of one Sam Magid (we can almost feel the cocaine comedown from here). But apparently miscellaneous white powder wasn't all they were racking — Sam filed a report with the police stating that some of his lavish possessions were missing, and that Lindsay and Gavin were behind it. 

Despite the fact that he has since decanted his story, (for reasons unknown), police are not letting the investigation go. According to the last bastion of truth and journalistic integrity, TMZ, officials believe they have independent witnesses who can attest that Li-Lo and her assistant Gav-Do are indeed guilty.

Let it be noted that Lindsay is already on probation for jewelry theft (she allegedly stole a necklace from a boutique in Venice, LA). All this despite the fact that she herself was targeted in the Bling Ring robberies, the story of which is being adapted for the silver screen by Sofia Coppola, set for a 2013 release.

When the Magid case was first reported, police accidentally questioned the world's oldest Facebook user, under the erroneous impression that she was in fact Ms. Lohan*. Florence Detlor, age 101, appeared confused and disoriented when she heard knocks on her door, claiming, "[I'm just] looking for a good book to read."

*This is completely untrue and we are just playing on the universal human truth that all jokes at Lindsay Lohan's expense are good jokes.

Ingrid Kesa

Latest


Your Facebook Photos Aren't That Private

The site's asking all users to download an app for messages too.


Racial Plastic Surgery Is Strange And Real

'I'm not gonna spend my life being a colour.'


Pussy Riot Sue Russia, Win Award For Political Thought

Saying their imprisonment equated to torture.


Imaginary Dating Profile: The Preatures

Getting intimate on a truck with Isabella, Jack, Luke, Gideon & Tom.


Exclusive Video: Chicks Who Love Guns 'Deep End'

We talk to the boys about going bush.


RES Denim x Gadir Rajab

Shot in the Blue Mountains.


OKCupid Is Experimenting On You

Following in the footsteps of Facebook, but playing with hearts.


Karen O Has A New Video 'Rapt'

"Love's a fucking bitch."


Turn Yourself (And Others) Into Emojis

And use other people's #trending pics.


Russia Regains Control Of Lizard Sex Satellite

Ground control to major reptile.


Street Style Polaroids At Splendour 2014

Plus our favourite moments, overheards and artists.


Welcoming Andreja Pejic!

Andreja Pejic reveals she had sexual reassignment surgery earlier this year.


An Alternative To The Fifty Shades Of Grey Trailer

Because it's like 'Secretary' but less good.


Artist Reimagines Terry Richardson As Francis Bacon

Terryworld goes creepy-figurative.


Collection Survey: STRATEAS CARLUCCI

The winners of the Woolmark Prize Australian Regional Finals.


Nike SB Fit To Move Campaign

A new collection feat. our boy Alex Olson!


Mid-Week Music: SBTRKT x Ezra Koenig, Team Spirit, Basement Jaxx, BANKS and HTRK

Everything you should hear/see today, in one place.


Top 5: High School Subculture Documentaries

Riot grrl, rap, 80s punks, skate witches and Japanese parkour.


Beyonce Is Rosie The Riveter

A feminist is a female version of a hustler.


Diverse Emojis Are Here With iDiversicons

United colours of emoticon.


David Lynch Designs Yoga Wear

Supporting your 'Twin Peaks'.


Hear Diplo's Remix of Lorde's 'Tennis Court'

The 'Andre Agassi Reebok Pump Mix'.


Vagina Underwear Puts Your Insides on The Outside

Anatomically accurate and on-trend.


Facebook-Stalk People More Effectively Than Ever

With these three new developments!


New Kanye West Is Two Weeks Away

And his next album's coming out this Spring.


Splendour In The Grass: Survival Guide

What to wear, do and hear (via Shantan Wantan Ichiban!) this weekend.


FKA Twigs Directs & Stars In Lucki Eck$ Video

The track's produced by her too!


Friday Feed: Joaquin Phoenix's (Rotated) Forehead Edition

Plus Rainbow Brite, Ron Swanson & Siberian hell mouths.


Twitter Study Says Paris Hilton Is Smarter Than Oprah

But Leonardo DiCaprio is smarter-er.


Edward Snowden: NSA Workers Are Sharing All Your Nudes

More like N00ds surveillance agency.


Here's A 19-Year-Old Kanye West Freestyling

Because he stole in from the future.