Aug 28, 2012 6:36PM

Daily Spam: Lindsay Lohan Is A Thief (Again)

Looks a lot like the world's oldest Facebook user.
Lindsay shot by Olivier Zahm.

Lindsay Lohan, she of the ombre face tan and straight-to-DVD movies, is now officially a suspect in the theft of $100,000 worth of watches and glasses. Last Sunday, she and her assistant Gavin Doyle partied all night long at the mansion of one Sam Magid (we can almost feel the cocaine comedown from here). But apparently miscellaneous white powder wasn't all they were racking — Sam filed a report with the police stating that some of his lavish possessions were missing, and that Lindsay and Gavin were behind it. 

Despite the fact that he has since decanted his story, (for reasons unknown), police are not letting the investigation go. According to the last bastion of truth and journalistic integrity, TMZ, officials believe they have independent witnesses who can attest that Li-Lo and her assistant Gav-Do are indeed guilty.

Let it be noted that Lindsay is already on probation for jewelry theft (she allegedly stole a necklace from a boutique in Venice, LA). All this despite the fact that she herself was targeted in the Bling Ring robberies, the story of which is being adapted for the silver screen by Sofia Coppola, set for a 2013 release.

When the Magid case was first reported, police accidentally questioned the world's oldest Facebook user, under the erroneous impression that she was in fact Ms. Lohan*. Florence Detlor, age 101, appeared confused and disoriented when she heard knocks on her door, claiming, "[I'm just] looking for a good book to read."

*This is completely untrue and we are just playing on the universal human truth that all jokes at Lindsay Lohan's expense are good jokes.

Ingrid Kesa

Latest


Kim Kardashian Just Spoke At A Tech Conference

About buying Blackberrys on eBay.


Help Kickstart A 6-Foot 'Girl Parts' Statue

In the name of pro-choice rights.


Oceans Apart: An All-Australian YouTube Mega-Mix

Top 20 Australian indie tunes. No Cold Chisel allowed.


Collection Survey: MANIAMANIA 'Metaphysical' Resort 2015

Shot by Bec Parsons, starring musician Matilda Dods.


Homophobic Man Gets Taken Down By Airline Passengers

One good Samaritan breaks an ankle in the process.


'Sexy Ebola' Costumes A Real Thing

That Breaking Bad one was just the beginning.


Drake's 'Angry Vine' Gets Internet As Excited As His 3 New Songs

It's his birthday and he'll rush a strip club if he wants to.


Top 12: Redrum — The Best Of Red Right Now

I see red, I see red, I see red.


Meet The Model: Delilah @ NEXT Models

Shot By Darren Ankenman in downtown LA.


How To Get Very, Very Sexy Surf Hair

By BeachGrit's Chas Smith.


Canyons' Guide To The Internet

See them play this weekend at One Night Stand!


MONA's Art Collector / Professional Gambler David Walsh On Dreams

"Here's what I dreamt: One day I would be rich and famous."


Watch Brad Pitt x Louis C.K On 'Between Two Ferns'

"How old were you when you lost your virginity, zero?"


Album That Changed My Life: Jessie Ware On The Genius of Lauryn Hill

"This is fresh and soulful and perfect and I wanna be dancing with Lauryn."


Oyster's Picks For The Sydney Festival 2015

Kim Gordon's Body/Head, Ben Frost & Tim Hecker, How To Dress Well and more.


Exclusive: Go Inside Romance Was Born's 'Express Yourself' Exhibition

Loved by kids and Jean Paul Gaultiers alike.


See Nike's New Pedro Lourenco Collaboration

Featuring Karlie Kloss and an epic dance video.


Google Has Invented An Alternative To Email

If it ain't broke, fix it anyway!