May 24, 2012 10:14AM

Facebook Timeline Is A Disease

At least according to this Funny or Die video.

Even if you haven’t caved into Facebook’s Timeline yet, you’ll get it soon whether you want it or not. Combining the Profile and Wall features, Timeline’s intention is to make it even easier to share every moment of your waking life with people who probably don’t care whether you’re “snuggled up in bed with a cup of tea and a DVD... loving rainy days right now!” Basically, it's designed to track one's existence from birth to death, which begs the question: If our (carefully curated) lives can be displayed before us on a screen, why aren't hover boards an accepted form of transportation?

Facebook started to introduce the non-optional Timeline feature a few months ago (provoking love / hate reactions in the process), and is slowly transitioning its billions of users over to the New World Order. A date hasn’t been set for all users to transition over — the internet would probably break if this was to happen — so there are still some users with the (what will soon be) anachronistic version of Facebook, but most of us have already started using the wretched thing.

Funny or Die has made a video that likens Timeline to a debilitating disease — "It doesn't matter how safe you are, you'll get Timeline" — providing commentary on the compulsory change.

For those who want to live in the past (like, 6 months past, not horse-drawn cart past), Social Fixer is a browser extension developed by one of the people from Lifehacker, that promises to "eliminate annoyances" — e.g. Timeline.

Ingrid Kesa

News & Features

Stevie Dance Pop Quiz

For the launch of Topshop Australia's 'Edited By' concept.


Top 10: Clutches

Featuring the best purses from Charlotte Olympia, Stella McCartney, Jil Sander and more.


Nicola Formichetti Leaves Thierry Mugler

He steps down as the label's creative director.


Courtney Love, Kim Gordon, Marilyn Manson & Ariel Pink for Saint Laurent

See the 'Saint Laurent Music Project' campaign shot by Hedi Slimane.


The Journal: Wheels & Dollbaby x Rene Vaile

We shoot the Winter 2013 collection — highway motel style.


Watch: 'No Problems' by Azealia Banks

A wild Steve Aoki and Diplo appear.


Top 10: March OhLike

All of the things!


Oyster Words: Indian Spiritual Leader Amma

For our Peace Issue, we speak with the woman has hugged more than 32 million people.


Oyster Playlist: Levins' Favourite R&B Songs From The Last Decade

To get the party started for Hoops & Love Kings: An Easter R&B Supperclub at Goodgod this Sunday.


Watch: Wes Anderson, Roman Coppola & Léa Seydoux's Entire Short Film for Prada Candy

All three episodes finally together in perfect harmony.


Tumblr Reaches Over 100 Million Blogs

And 44.6 billion blog posts.


Listen: Tyler, The Creator x Frank Ocean x Stereolab

Plus Tyler talks about he knew Frank Ocean was gay and didn't care.


Oyster Interview: Big Boi by D.A. Wallach

From The Peace Issue — out now!


Oyster Fashion: 'Hazzard' Shot by Zac Handley & Styled by Mark Vassallo

See our menswear shoot from The Peace Issue (out now!) and a video of the boys in action.


Watch: 'Afraid of Heights' by Wavves

Nathan Williams does drag.


Watch: Lily Cole in 'Sacrilege' by Yeah Yeah Yeahs (NSFW)

Girl sleeps with lots of men, girl gets burned at stake.


A Look Inside Inez & Vinoodh's New York Apartment

See the photography duo's stylish digs, feel jealous.


Oyster Interview: Atoms For Peace

An excerpt from our interview with Thom Yorke and Nigel Godrich for Oyster #102: The Peace Issue — on sale now!


Spring Breakers Review

Visually it might look like a turbo-charged David LaChapelle picture crossed with a meme.


Watch: Wes Anderson, Roman Coppola & Léa Seydoux for Prada Candy — Episode One

According to this video Prada's Candy perfume will get you not one, but two, guys.


Valentina Sykes x Zimmermann SS13/14

She styles herself in her favourite look from the new collection.


MBFWA 2013 — Kate Sylvester & Shakuhachi Casting

The quest to find The Next Big Thing begins.


Watch: James Franco's Grandmother Promotes 'Spring Breakers'

Not even the elderly are safe from the hype.