George Michael Tweets And Tours
George Michael joins Twitter, an exciting announcement ensues.
In a month that has witnessed war, natural disaster and Rebecca Black's 'Friday', it's hard to believe that another event could stamp March 2011 even more indelibly into the history books. Well, ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourself for yet another emotional rollercoaster, because the high drama of this month is set to gain even more momentum with the introduction of the fastidiously coiffed George Michael to the wild world of Twitter. And, just in case you thought this was all an elaborate farce, George has something to say to you all:
George's gift for immaculately groomed facial hair is matched only by his general Twitter incompetence. Sure, the man can belt out an impassioned ballad, but mention a hashtag in front of him and he'd probably ask you if he could smoke it. Like George's pop alma mater Wham!, however, his Twitter is a total car crash (too soon?) — cringe-inducing, but also incredibly hard to pry your eyes away from.
The success of George's foray into the world of technology (82, 874 followers and counting) isn't really that mysterious. The fact is, even a teetotaling, abstinent homophobic wants to know what it is to be the man behind the moustache.
Twitter delivers a window into the trials, tribulations and tooth hygiene of the man himself:
Of course, being a Baby Boomer, the plunge into Twitter hasn't been entirely smooth sailing for George. The complex intricacies of the Twitterverse were something he initially found tricky to navigate:
Fortunately for us, if George's frequent dogging scandals are anything to go by, the man isn't one to cower in the face of abject failure:
And get it he did. From curse-laden tirades aimed at attracting a more bawdy brand of follower, to impassioned condemnation of the paparazzi (no doubt trying to snap him on the way to his rescheduled dentist appointment), little now stands in the way of George carelessly whispering every single facet of his life to his horde of rabid followers:
Our interest, however, reached fever pitch when, like 'Jesus to a Child' (see what I did there?), George posted his most electrifying tweet to date:
Of course, as a student of writing, it is hard to swallow George's questionable use of the word "loyalest", but who cares about etymology when the composer of arguably the world's best karaoke song ('Faith', in case you were wondering) has renounced assertions of retirement and announced a tour to accompany his latest album?!
I gazed at the announcement with rapt wonderment for a few dazed minutes before checking out George's most recent effort: a cover of New Order, appropriately titled 'True Faith'.
Perhaps the rainbow smoke is there to distract us from the rampant abuse of autotune. Perhaps George's talent for performing an irresistible pop gem has been lost in a cloud of bronzer. Poor quality covers aside, we'll be first in line for overpriced tickets when George hits our shores — we haven't lost the faith.