Sep 10, 2015 1:52PM

Grace Jones Gives The World A Lesson In Shade, Burns Rihanna, Miley And More

Fresher than you.

Living legend Grace Jones is better than most people at singing / performing / acting / modelling / life and don't she know it. An excerpt from her upcoming memoir (published solely to stir shit up it seems) sees Grace call out pretty much every current major pop artist for copying her.

Grace hands out shade and zingers like there's no tomorrow in a passage dedicated to the sheep mentality of modern music. Rihanna, Miley Cyrus, Lady Gaga, FKA twigs and a mysterious person Grace dubs "Doris" are among the burn victims in the sassy AF snippet.

The undisputed queen of the universe also schools everyone on shade. So, without further ado here's a breakdown of the best of Grace's real talk with our paraphrases in bold:

1. Your trends are lame, you are lame.

"Trends come along and people say, 'Follow that trend'. There's a lot of that around at the moment: 'Be like Sasha Fierce. Be like Miley Cyrus. Be like Rihanna. Be like Lady Gaga. Be like Rita Ora and Sia. Be like Madonna.' I cannot be like them — except to the extent that they are already being like me."

2. If you're going to do body paint you need to put the paint on your body, k?

"Rihanna… she does the body-painting thing I did with Keith Haring, but where he painted directly on my body, she wears a painted bodysuit. That's the difference. Mine is on skin; she puts a barrier between the paint and her skin. I don't even know if she knows that what she's doing comes from me, but I bet you the people styling her know. They know the history."

3. She don't fuck with u.

"I remember when one of the singers on the list of those who came after me first said that she wanted to work with me. Everyone around me is going: 'You have to do it, it will be so good for you, it will introduce you to a whole new audience, you will make a lot of money.' No! It will be good for her; she will draw from everything I have built and add it to her brand, and I will get nothing back except for a little temporary attention. No one could believe that I said no, but I am okay on my own. I am okay not worrying about a new audience. If the fuck don't feel right, don't fuck it."

(Someone should get onto making Grace Jones t-shirts featuring that last gem RN).

4. She sees straight though you Doris (you know who you are).

"With this one, who I will call "Doris", I thought she was trying on other people's outfits: she's a baby in a closet full of other people's clothes, a little girl playing dress-up, putting on shoes that don't fit. I could see what she wanted to be when I watched her doing something when she started out that was starker and purer. Deep down, she doesn't want to do all the dressing-up nonsense; she loses herself inside all the play-acting."

5. You're so replaceable.

"The problem with the Dorises and the Nicki Minajes and Mileys is that they reach their goal very quickly. There is no long-term vision, and they forget that once you get into that whirlpool then you have to fight the system that solidifies around you in order to keep being the outsider you claim you represent. There will always be a replacement coming along very soon — a newer version, a crazier version, a louder version. So if you haven't got a long-term plan, then you are merely a passing phase, the latest trend, yesterday's event."

6. You're also so mainstream.

"They dress up as though they are challenging the status quo, but by now, wearing those clothes, pulling those faces, revealing those tattoos and breasts, singing to those fractured, spastic, melting beats — that is the status quo. You are not off the beaten track, pushing through the thorny undergrowth, finding treasure no one has come across before. You are in the middle of the road. You are really in Vegas wearing the sparkly full-length gown singing to people who are paying to see you but are not really paying attention. If that is what you want, fine, but it’s a road to nowhere."

7. Keep it real.

"This is what I would say to my pupil: you have become only your fame, and left behind most of who you were. How are you going to deal with that? Will you lose that person forever? Have you become someone else, without really knowing it? Do you always have to stay in character for people to like you? Do you know that you are in character?"

Grace finishes on a good note, offering to teach newbies like Madonna, Kanye and of course Doris all about the biz.

"Doris, I would say fame is all well and good if you want to take it to another level. If you have some greater purpose. Me, I am just a singer, on one sort of stage or another, who likes to have an audience, but not all the time. Listen to my advice; I have some experience. In a way, it is me being a teacher, which is what I wanted to be. I still feel I could go into teaching. What is teaching but passing on your knowledge to those who are at the beginning? Some people are born with that gift. With me, the teaching side morphed into the performing side. It's in there. And these are my pupils — Gaga, Madonna, Annie Lennox, Katy Perry, Rihanna, Miley, Kanye West, FKA twigs and... Doris."

We're not worthy. 

GIFs: Tumblr
Photos: Getty

Lucy Jones