Dec 12, 2013 11:42AM

Heathers: The Musical Is Coming

What's your damage?

Shit. Yes. Very gushily, we report that 1989's 'cult' film Heathers is being revived for the stage, with the aid of sweet, sweet song. Yup. Heathers: The Musical shall debut off-Broaway next March, hopefully retaining the exquisitely sardonic overtones of the original.

Curiosity has been adequately piqued e.g.

What sort of duets will ephemerally villainous power couple Veronica (Winona Ryder) and JD (Christian Slater) sing together? Particularly at the height of their bloody-faced transgressions?

Will the trio of uniformly-named girls be played by actresses able to operate two-piece plaid suits as well as they can with resting bitch face? Hopeful, yet skeptical. 

Will Shannon Doherty's modern-day equivalent be capable of such coiffure? Like bitch, do u even quiff?

 "I LOVE MY DEAD GAY SON" is a great part of the film. Will it translate onto the stage with the same hilarity?

Or this part?

Little is currently known about precise details for the musical. Rest assured, we'll divulge information as it becomes available.