Dec 15, 2010 12:00AM

Playlist: Shameless Christmas

The whitest Christmas ever.

Shameless is back! On Saturday 18 December Iguana Bar in Sydney will turn into a winter wonderland complete with snow machine, elves, carolers and antagonistic relatives ready to bring up every single mistake you've ever made. The Christmas drink special will be the Mistletini, $5 all night long. Christmas begins at 9pm and entry is $10.

Your ears will be left ringing with the sound of sleigh bells as DJs Sirens, National Treasure, Perfect Snatch, Sex Azza Weapon, Dylabolical, Love Zero and more play all your favourite Christmas hits, plus the usual mix of soft rock, adult contemporary and blue-eyed soul -? the whitest Christmas in Sydney's history. Iguana Bar is at 13-15 Kellett Street, Kings Cross, Sydney.

10) Hall & Oates - 'Jingle Bells Rock'

Featuring acting more wooden than a nutcracker doll, at 00:14 Hall & Oates show us exactly how to react when opening Grandma's gift of satin Looney Tunes boxer shorts.

9) Boney M - 'Mary's Boy'

Let's remember Boney M as the band who brought us this timeless holiday treat, rather than the born again Christian musical act they morphed into before performing at such venues as the Rooty Hill RSL. Which, by the way, has meat trays on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays from 5pm! Merry Christmas!

8) Band Aid - 'Do They Know It's Christmas?'

Journalist Robin Eggar reminisces about the recording day: "Once Status Quo produced their bag of cocaine and the booze started to flow, I brought six bottles of wine from my flat, which disappeared in a minute - it became a party.".

7) Paul McCartney - 'Wonderful Christmastime'

Paul McCartney is apparently today embarrassed by this Christmas classic, presumably for the same reasons that Hilary Duff and the Barenaked Ladies subsequently covered it.

6) Boy George - 'White Christmas'

Might be a little more convincing if the lyric "White Christmas" were replaced by "abducting and torturing male prostitutes". But I guess nobody ever really gets what they want for Christmas.

5) John Lennon, Yoko Ono and the Plastic Ono Band - 'Happy Christmas (War is Over)'

The best type of Christmas song is one whose subversive message is overlooked by the conservative suburbanites playing it. It's the Christmas equivalent of bands back-masking satanic messages into their tracks.

4) The Pointer Sisters - 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town'

The Pointer Sisters deliver a spirited, multi-octave gift that did nothing to dispel those sex-change rumours surrounding Ruth.

3) Eurythmics - 'Walking in a Winter Wonderland'

Also parodied by Bob Rivers as 'Walking Round in Women's Underwear'.

2) Mariah Carey - 'All I Want for Christmas Is You'

Comment below with what you think Mimi really wants for Christmas this year. Female alopecia for J.Lo? To give birth to a Hello Kitty baby? 1996?

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1) Wham - 'Last Christmas'

Featuring hair frostier than a windowsill on Christmas 'morn, this is the ultimate holiday song. Christmas simply does not get whiter than this.

Nick Sweeney

www.club-shameless.com

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