Nov 17, 2010 12:00AM

Will + Kate = Fate

A royal wedding! We have some good advice for the bride...

Prince William and Kate Middleton have announced their engagement! Maybe you already heard about this because you follow the British Monarchy on twitter, or because (like me) the news interrupted your late night viewing of Parenthood.

There are some haters who are all "Why should I even care about this?" or "William should be mine!" and even "Prince William is the anti-Christ!" Shush y'all! With all the sadness and broken hearts in the world, including the poor Cyrus family, it's always nice to celebrate brand new love (lol, jk! Will and Kate have been together for like 90,000 years).

So, Kate, here are our suggestions for the wedding, for which we have wracked our brains the internet:

Don't do the Chris Brown wedding dance because it's sooooo 2009. Unless the Queen is really behind on internet memes and you only just showed her the Chris Brown wedding dance and she really enjoyed it. (Quick tip if this is the case: She will lose her MIND over Brodyquest.)

Do have official engagement photographs, preferably dressed all in white and at the park.

Don't book your wedding for the same date as your best friend, and if you do, don't sacrifice your lifelong friendship for the sake of the perfect wedding (see: wedding documentary based on the real life experiences of Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson, Bride Wars).

Don't release live birds and/or butterflies at the wedding, particularly indoors, because of the crap and the casualty rate. Live cats should be fine, though (and original, too!).

There's always the crazy uncle or aunt who gets wasted and noisy, watch out for that. The easy guess would be Philip, but Camilla could be the dark horse.

If William wants to perform a self-composed song of his love, veto it. You'll think it's romantic but everyone else will be vomiting, especially Fergie. She's got a low tolerance for schmaltz.

Finally, as "Prince of NSW" commented online, we wish you "Congtatiolations and long and happy marriage".

Words: Madeleine Atkins

Latest


Collection Survey: STRATEAS CARLUCCI

The winners of the Woolmark Prize Australian Regional Finals.


Nike SB Fit To Move Campaign

A new collection for skiers feat. our boy Alex Olson!


Mid-Week Music: SBTRKT x Ezra Koenig, Team Spirit, Basement Jaxx, BANKS and HTRK

Everything you should hear/see today, in one place.


Top 5: High School Subculture Documentaries

Riot grrl, rap, 80s punks, skate witches and Japanese parkour.


Beyonce Is Rosie The Riveter

A feminist is a female version of a hustler.


Diverse Emojis Are Here With iDiversicons

United colours of emoticon.


David Lynch Designs Yoga Wear

Supporting your 'Twin Peaks'.


Hear Diplo's Remix of Lorde's 'Tennis Court'

The 'Andre Agassi Reebok Pump Mix'.


Vagina Underwear Puts Your Insides on The Outside

Anatomically accurate and on-trend.


Facebook-Stalk People More Effectively Than Ever

With these three new developments!


New Kanye West Is Two Weeks Away

And his next album's coming out this Spring.


Splendour In The Grass: Survival Guide

What to wear, do and hear (via Shantan Wantan Ichiban!) this weekend.


FKA Twigs Directs & Stars In Lucki Eck$ Video

The track's produced by her too!


Friday Feed: Joaquin Phoenix's (Rotated) Forehead Edition

Plus Rainbow Brite, Ron Swanson & Siberian hell mouths.


Twitter Study Says Paris Hilton Is Smarter Than Oprah

But Leonardo DiCaprio is smarter-er.


Edward Snowden: NSA Workers Are Sharing All Your Nudes

More like N00ds surveillance agency.


Here's A 19-Year-Old Kanye West Freestyling

Because he stole in from the future.


Celebrity Fad Diets In Still Life

Strange eating habits made into #art.


Happy International Calendar Emoji Day

A joyous day we just invented…


Jamie xx Shares New James Blake Track

And one from John Talabot on BBC Radio 1.


Tinder Headshots Are A Thing

And other news from the online dating game.


Lana Del Rey Doesn't Want You Listening To Her Music, Thanks

"It's just for me… I don't want them to hear it and think about it."


Meet The Hairy Legs Club

A submissions Tumblr dedicated to girl fuzz.


Science: Weed Makes You Paranoid

'The fear' proven to be a real.


Watch: Lykke Li 'Gunshot'

Plus bonus twerking and bikers.


Kim Kardashian's Game Will Make $200 Million This Year

Because it is actually addictive.